Hey, uhm Happy New year guys!!
I’m just gonna tell y’all my 2020 experience.
Everyone has their story of how last year went for them, well we had the virus which had everyone indoors for a couple of months.
Extroverts found it difficult to stay indoors, it was hell for them.
While our dear introverts saw the lockdown as Godsent😂.
I was an extrovert, i needed to step out for the first few weeks of the lockdown and then i began looking for alternatives.
I started reading books and writing as well
Fortunately, I got into a relationship.
It was like my own fairytale, mostly because I wasn’t the relationship type.
I was happy, but things took a different turn when I started having unnecessary thoughts.
Depression had set in and i didn’t even realise it.
It started in August when i spent most of my time alone.
Sleeping became a problem, i couldn’t sleep at night, I spent the night thinking and brooding.
During the day I’d sleep and eat and then start thinking again, it was that fast.
I tried to stop the thinking and then I resigned to food, i could consume a whole pot and still be hungry.
Eventually, I stopped but then came withdrawal, i stopped posting on social media, even when the lockdown was over, i hated going out.
My relationship started to crumble, my bad attitude was reflecting in other aspects of my life.
My best friend tried to help me but I knew i had gone too far away from my true self.
I started hating myself and how i looked like, it continued till early October when something happened to me that I couldn’t take in.
It was the ultimate betrayal.
That was when I knew i was done for, i could never go back to being “Gabby”, I was never one to cry but I did, regularly too.
Sometimes i couldn’t feel my chest, I’d dig my nails into my skin to punish myself because I felt i caused every thing that was happening to me.
I couldn’t speak to my family about it even when they noticed it.
Honestly, i was drained emotionally, physically and mentally.
I had to start taking excess drugs to relieve my pain.
Then, i began chasing people away from my life, anyone who felt pity for me was cut off.
I hated people and when I was getting too much sympathy, i told everyone off and acted like I was fine.
Only my best friend knew what was going on with me.God bless you babe😘.
Sometimes, I’d ask myself what I was doing and then try to ignore my thoughts and be myself but voices in my head would laugh and I’d fall back.
I hated looking at the mirror because it reflected the horrible person i was
Nobody understood how i felt, even me myself.
Eventually i separated from my boyfriend, had red eyes for an entire day.
My sister helped me out of that(after scolding me) because i was the cause of the separation.
I hadn’t gone to church all the time I went through all this and then one Sunday, i did.
Then i knew i wasn’t alone, all through God was giving me a hand and i was too blind to see it.
I started reading the Bible more often, I’d just open it and wherever i opened, i felt peace reading it.
I know I’m not completely free cause sometimes i remember everything and then tears start rolling but i know I’m not alone 😌.
My name is Gabby and this, was my 2020 experience.
Hit the comment section for your reviews and let’s discuss😉